My 14-month old notes were washed, almost a year later, still not over it.

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I have been writing notes for nine years, and I've been doing it continuously every day. The latest ones were washed for about twelve months, and I was feeling depressed after that. It's really hard to bear, as if I'm on the brink of depression. Actually, I felt depressed before I lost my notes. I just feel more depressed now, perhaps in the same state as before, where I used to be unhappy with other things, but now I'm unhappy with losing the notes. My notes are my thoughts.